That was 1975. All the doors slammed shut. The Mormon religion is quite conservative and the exact opposite of the Hollywood lifestyle. Their little oddities, the weird little things they would say. The church response was that bishops are not supposed to be, quote, "unnecessarily probing or invasive in their questions." So together, we just started calling people, some we knew, some we didn't, some were practicing Mormons, others had left the church. But medical students say it still happens. Someone would look at me, saying something, and then someone would laugh. That's right. I had a feeling of love for my bishops. As a bishop, Sam said he never asked these questions, and he was never asked them as a kid. And I knew sex was almost as bad as murder. But anyway, he just died recently. But even now in my 30s, I have a really hard time with sex. I'm sorry. Lots of people have positive experiences with their bishops, including me, and the people we talked to. Like, I hated that baby. And Mormon bishops, they're not paid or trained clergy. People of Press J to jump to the feed. It feels like I've had to admit failure, which is hard. And even though I didn't know what it was, and I didn't think I had done it, I felt like I had done it. I wanted to research what life as a Mormon was like because of my ignorance of the culture, and my general interest in religious identity. Religious Beliefs and Practices | Pew Research Center He spends a while examining her, and he's like, she's really sick. Four little, five little, six little babies in my home. Then he went and picked up his kids from school. But I could still drive. And I would use that line that they told me, which, now-- even just now, when I said it, it makes me go tense. But it didn't necessarily do that exact thing for you. Act One, Tattoos and Memories and Dead Skin on Trial. Yeah. She says it was an accident-- the broom slipped. And I said yes. That's hard. Yeah, I didn't really know what to say. Are you honest in your dealings with your fellow man? She told Julia she was stupid. This American Life - Google Podcasts And when I was working with students who were in their OB-GYN clerkship, a lot of them brought up this practice and the fact that they'd been asked to perform pelvic exams on women under anesthetic who hadn't consented. And when I came back to, I just started looking around. And Elna says she's spent 15 years apologizing to Julia. And they said the answer was simple. Dad said it was OK. (SINGING) Back in Colorado City, we did not associate with colored people. Just something snapped. She jumps back in the cab. When Reagan was 16, she said she finally got a boyfriend to experiment with. And it seemed like every question up until that point was really not important, and then this was the big question. The oldest was 11, and the youngest was four. She would say, like, what were you guys doing last night? That may not sound like a big difference, but the change has been hailed as a 'giant leap' by Mormon bloggers. There's video of this. As a religious group, they also are much less racially and ethnically diverse than the U.S. population as a whole, with fully 85% of U.S. Mormons identifying as non-Hispanic white. He had no long-term plan for how to support himself and these five children. They keep their regular jobs. No, I don't think so. It's just what you're asking about. Talk about why. I didn't really know what to say. And I've been sitting right up on the cliff's edge, with one foot dangling off the ledge. LDS officials haven't given interviews on this in the past. This is just another exam. Because he had wanted to be my research partner. It was really embarrassing. It's just a Band-Aid, a regular Band-Aid, stuck to her hair. And to tell a story, we're going to try something that we have never attempted before. And then as part of the conference, there was an event one night. But I guess what I'm saying is in order to improve, there needs to be an admission. That seems like hard to make a mistake about. He'd been living in this tightly knit small town, where everybody looked out for each other, where everybody had known him since he was a kid. I lost my family. All his energy had gone into figuring out how to get out. There were stories of abuse on Sam's website. The church encouraged bishops to discuss the specific acts listed in the pamphlet during their interviews with young people. This week's identity blog is about a life as a Mormon. It was also-- what does this say about me that I felt this way about her, and that I did this to her? Are these questions supposed to be that explicit? The church claims this had nothing to do with Sam's petition, but clearly he had touched a nerve. This American Life on RadioPublic And in my mind, I thought, the feeling's mutual. And I was just hoping that somehow, some way, that I would just grow back. I wanted to do it the right way. One of my bishops, a good one, was a food scientist who helped invent Pop Rocks. He was sentenced to life in prison. The Mormon People: The Making of an American Faith - Goodreads Yeah. Because women don't always let us do this when they're awake. If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. So you're there and you're like, the young person of color who doesn't know anything about radio. And in spite of all that, I still did it. Eric Hawkins Audio from "This American Life" - Mormon Discussions Elna's dad pulls the other kids as witnesses. I haven't been for eight years. Yeah, it wasn't great. Because teaching hospitals take a lot of patients without insurance or who are on Medicaid, these practice exams end up being done disproportionately on poor women, women of color, homeless women. No. You'll commit sins. Every one would stare. Definitely, it was like he sat forward in his chair. But the wedding is coming up. I spent over 30 years in prison. She does a radio thing or something. I guess we were getting a little too comfortable together. And often, it felt like they were just as uncomfortable asking the questions as I was answering them. So now she's all curious about prison. And I should say, you are Lilly Sullivan. The night after that first surgery, Dan was still really upset. That's what my bishops taught me. And I think that he was telling them that he was going to sleep with me, or something like that. I was a jailbird. Back in Colorado City, wearing shorts is like rebelling before God. I was born in Provincetown-- 1951, to Portuguese parents. What was really happening was, he wouldn't hold the flame close enough to the knife to heat it up at all. And that's when she says, well, I can, Dad. Stay with us. Because I couldn't give them a period of time. David Archuleta's Mom Also Left Mormon Church to Support Son's Queer And you have to fill in the blanks. And she had to keep meeting with him once a week. You specifically said the word accountability. He was playing in a band, doing some writing, not making much money, and his parents were worried. And so do you understand what I'm asking? Right? Do we get to come home next weekend? Or who knows, maybe he just thought the camera added gravitas to the proceedings. I'm taking her home right now. Reagan says that Rory is constantly bowled over by the things she tells him. All of that was forbidden back where they used to live. It was real. r/mormon - This American Life with Elna Baker (Act Two: How I Met My Based on the wildly popular public radio show, This American Life explores a theme - fiascos, do-gooders, conventions, the job that takes over your life - and transforms the stories into something funny or poignant, enlightening or bizarre. We all sat on my parents' bed. And so I think I said, like, I don't think so. If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. I mean, before I delivered a baby, they asked me if I wanted a med student or a resident in the room. And then, I wonder why, I wonder who, I wonder when. Yeah, I never hit her again. The response from doctors? And she just keeps wandering and looking. Unless I repented, I was told I'd be separated from my family in the afterlife, because no unclean thing is allowed in heaven. And it begins with something that happened to our producer, Elna Baker. My parents were devastated. That was my father. I would walk at 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning. Oh, really? Podcasts : This American Life : NPR These were like checkups for your spirituality. But then again, too few to mention. This American Life with Elna Baker (Act Two: How I Met My Mother) - Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Mormons : mormon Elna Baker (one of my favorite Ex-Mormons) is a producer at This American Life, the popular radio show and podcast. Like, you know how there's like an angel and a devil in cartoons who are always on your shoulder? So here is the story. That's exactly why I'm taking it off my arm. The following morning, I wake up to this voice telling me all the things I've done wrong. Of course not, they didn't want me to do the things that I did. Married a Mormon, waited till marriage to have sex. Now here I am, I been out two years. What you've told me, Kim, is very serious. Stay with us. But I knew they'd happened, because they'd happened to me. I'm Bruce Roderick from Centerville. And so I go over with him. And in the '90s, a pamphlet came out which bishops were told to use in those interviews. Like in church, when they would talk about lying or sin, this is the thing I would hold onto and relive, because it was the worst thing I'd ever done. And there was this older person who was a pretty big deal in radio. It was really hard, and incredibly lonely, when you're 33 years old, to learn how to live again. This first story, when the producers were working on it, started doing interviews for the story, it seemed like every single interview they came back so surprised at what they were learning. Did I invent all of this in my head? I was laying in bed, like thinking about it, and worrying about it all day. Let's ask the question and find out what the answer is. It was so routine for her that she barely thought to talk about it. When he left the restrictions of their old life, he also left behind all the love and support that came with it. But the daily job of it, the mundane feeding your kids and driving them around and disciplining them-- there's not always a lot of pleasure in that. And in the eyes of everyone in Paris, she kind of becomes this madwoman wandering the streets of Paris saying, "where is my mother, where is my mother.". And he said, "are you sure you're not lying to me?" Before I was baptized at the age of eight, I had to meet with the bishop. And he proceeded to conduct a family trial, where each child had to give their testimony of the events in the garage. She goes through something in that story that I feel like I've gone through, I think that a lot of women go through all the time. The screen fades and cuts back to the bishop, implying that time has passed, and Kim has spilled her story. And then he said, "did you have intercourse?" And I put that on, and now I want this covered up. Right, they didn't plan to give us these hangups. And do you understand why it's important to me to hear that? From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life. It's a finalist for the National Book Award, and she retells the story in one of the short stories in her book. Oh, yeah, no, I think it's horrifying, absolutely. So we need to learn while they're asleep. So he brought everyone in. I would clench my fist and make this face, but I never hit her. And so after they've been living with their new families for two years, Will waived his parental rights. And I realized it was three hours later. I'll give you a ride, I'm saying. I decided that she's going to have to live with this. I grew up watching this church video that primed me for the role I was supposed to play in the bishop's office. Still that dirty racist? I think this is a church that is always growing, and learning, and looking to do better. And they were free to ask whatever follow-ups they felt they needed to. I looked around, and my oldest daughter had gotten the dinner out of the oven, and served the children and fed them. Was it under the bra, or over the bra? And he said, "well, I just want to get a sense so I can advise you on triggers, and what to avoid.". What I've started to realize these bishop interviews did to me was I had no space for privacy of any sexual thought. Latest 'This American Life' episode : exmormon - Reddit I think I even got some pictures here. And if you let a black or a Spanish or somebody else not of your race to take advantage of you sexually or whatever, then you become a punk, I guess-- you want some gum? Here's Lilly. I was robbing drug dealers, and that was my career right up until 1985, when I went to a house. I asked them how they felt about that. It's not a problem now. You better say I'm a nice fucking guy in this. It just hurts in this way that does not stop hurting. This American Life: Created by Adam Beckman, Alex Blumberg, Ira Glass, David Schisgall, Julie Snyder, Christopher Wilcha. But that's OK. And Will decided to go to school, too. And I genuinely thought I had maybe, accidentally killed my sister. Do you think your parents should have practiced tougher love? She left him a note saying she needed to think. They were doing these pelvic exams at a bunch of different hospitals around New York City. It's incredibly embarrassing because if you're a young woman, the assumption is it's sex related. There's the tattoo. Obviously, it worked. He had a radical thought-- maybe they just had to get out and start over. Two years later, I learned the church's position on masturbation, which is that it's almost as bad as sex. This Mormon Life | Inspired by, but not at all affiliated with, This Am I overreacting? She runs upstairs. And they were playing on the swings, and there were some other children there. /r/Mormon is a subreddit for articles and topics of interest to people interested in Mormon themes. She was 12. They painted their nails and got their ears pierced. And that was the pinnacle of my life. Or, a man doesn't need to tell his wife everything.
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