Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker drummed up the reveal of their baby's sex in true "Kravis" fashion. Youd explain what you heard and say that you were disgusted by the people who relayed these things and that that you felt you had to tell her what happening behind her back. It sounds like this is what happened here. Tell the truth in a brief 10 to 20 seconds." The key in interviews to explaining why you got fired is to . I was in this situation once and was told and I was VERY happy to know. You can also take steps to protect your online presence. I dont know many who have cheated on their SOs. My old boss is trying to have me fired from my new job. Seriously? While I worked there, the manager bullied me and made my experience there unpleasant. When conducting this search, be sure to use variations of your name, including your full name, your first name and last initial, and any nicknames or aliases you may have used in the past. . And there are plenty of ways to discuss this without sounding like a bully. In my experience, long time employees like the ones you describe tend to band together to freeze out the person they perceive as the enemy. And rest assured, that any trust or rapport you may have built with any of the gossipers will be long gone, especially if they are confronted about the gossip. Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. Having that connection will encourage her. My Former Boss Got Fired -- Can I Still Use Him As A Reference? - Forbes Its not credible, and easily disproved. Unless the LW is especially close to the boss, or the bosss personal assistant or something, I dont see how that conversation would come up. She may get the back unemployment paid out. Maybe Jane really DID sleep with Bob in a totally normal context, and someone decided that their completely normal relationship was the Reason that Jane got the job she has now. Alison has addressed this a few times over the years (links to follow) and I pretty much agree with her take on it. All because the owner gave me petty cash and had me bring him (a diabetic) lunch while I ran him supplies for a job. Sounds like SOMEONES got a case of the Mondayyys!. Also talk to current boss and explain the situation. I honestly enjoy listening to gossip because you learn an awful lot about the person telling it to you. I get where that thought is coming from, but I also think its undererstimating how sneaky gossip can be, even if its wide-spread (at the same time as overestimating how close people are actually working together; were talking about a grandboss here, whos probably quite a bit removed from regular employees both physically and regarding work tasks). I know you probably didnt mean it that way, but it could affect how others weigh your observations., Please dont talk like that in front of meits really sexist and problematic.. Just because a lot of people at lower levels are repeating this gossip does not mean the grandboss knows about it. It only takes a minute to sign up. This will give you an idea on whether there is any negative information about you. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer as they say. By definition you dont spread rumors to the victim in question! I agree that this is a common problem, and But sometimes it really happens is not a defense AT ALL. (I mention that because I once considered applying for a job at a new employer, but I checked my LinkedIn connections first and realized a prior coworker I really struggled with had ended up there - knowing he was there helped me decide not to apply there myself. 3) Suggest the worst possible employee for them to interview and hire as your replacement or for some existing open position. WATCH: Dallas Mavs Trade for Duke's Dereck Lively II; Swaps OKC for So Ill say Im also glad you dont manage a business, since youd handle this situation as poorly as my old job did. This gig literally fell into my lap with a text of hey, you interested in a new job? and a phone call to give me the details later that evening. OP#1 would be telling Grandboss this to make sure that she was aware and would be able to handle it as she sees fit. There is no way you can stop workplace gossip. If she turns out to be a nutter or stalker you can always block her. If this had happened during the hiring process, I could understand that they might not want to take the chance of hiring an untrustworthy person; and they dont have any first hand information at that point. This could include emails, text messages, or voicemails from the former employer, as well as any communication between the former employer and your new or potential employers. There was no reason for her to think I wouldnt take it well, and every reason to think I would, and she still chose not to bring it up. If youre going to wade in, be aware of that. Sometimes I add that info to my knowledge base about the subject of the tale, and sometimes to my knowledge of the tale teller. That might be of value to OPs friend. This is a really bad policy. Gossip mill: I drove her out. Browse other questions tagged, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. And reporting rumors is not the same as spreading them. Lots of cheaters/narcissists/people with bad behavior are considered extremely charming by others who know them. I think it just one state, from what I could find on google. Did he talk to colleague about what hed heard? He knows youre working, he sees the results. As Alison pointed out in her response, these kinds of rumors are incredibly sexist. If you cant measure it, it didnt happen so the gross jokes of an extremely sexual nature at Old Job didnt happen? Ive been pretty disappointed in some of the comments Ive read on this post. In the case of hiring/firing, the responsibility is on the person doing the action. And anyway, what is she supposed to do with that information? I got my current job due to connecting on linkedin with someone at a company that rejected me. Notice the use of *gross phraseology* and *gross anatomy term*.. Then they hired an ex-coworker who I previously worked with. I knew two people who tried this vindictive crap unsuccessfully. Why doesnt anyone resent the second in command, or think he was difficult to work with? And as Alison mentions in the comments elsewhere, I think Grandboss should be allowed to decide what to do with the information herself. What is the limit of asking for a raise? Make them stop! Confront the ones spreading gossip? she would not be able to help me advance my career because she got where she is by sleeping with an upper level manager. Employment decisions must be made on proven evidence, not hearsay. By demonstrating your dedication and professionalism, you can build a strong relationship with your new employer based on mutual trust and respect. Given a planet map, can plate tectonics be determined? Very likely consequences that will make you wish you just kept your big mouth shut. She cant call everyone into a meeting and tell them that she knows what they said- deny it, be mad about it No matter what she does she will look like shes being defensive. 2. Give it a few more months, evaluate, and see how the gossip goes. If not, though, then Id talk with whoever in your management line you have the best rapport with. Yeah. This attitude is how sexism and racism in the workplace is allowed to flourish. And the paranoia of a liar and cheater If employee asks a reasonable question about work, and they take it as about their cheating, and they get hostile, it certainly could cause problems for employees. Then he changed jobs and poached me. But if shes going to go to the grandboss about it she should have an idea whats up. Also, reporting to the person affected is very different to repeating gossip and adding to drama. The only grade school activity here is on the part of the gossipers. That is an excellent point about the subtle digs that only make sense, and so can only be addressed, if you know the context that gives the added meaning. "Can you tell me who So-and-so reports to?" But if someone has been working for you for some months, surely you have had the chance to form your own opinion about them? They will never give you a raise until you force the issue. Ongoing friction is so vague, and makes it sound like both parties are participating. Like, really? I stayed out of it. The tl;dr version is that theres a lot of issues with counter-offers and it typically doesnt work out well long term. Dont muddy the waters. Its pretty clear to me that this was the wife reaching out and making good on her ominous promises. Its quite possible that GB doesnt have a lot of capital with folks above her. Because if this is what Fergus does, this is classic quid pro quo sexual harassment and is illegal illegal for *Fergus* to do to other people. Several years ago, I found out that a number of people in my community were spreading rumors about my sexual activity. They can also help you negotiate with your former employer, or represent you in court if necessary. Her blog is a go-to resource for anyone looking to improve their skills, land their dream job, or make a career change. What Are an Employee's Rights After Job Termination? - The Balance Thats about as measurable as it gets, other than a recording in a single-party state. Here we go. I had a friend get fired and she stepped into his job completely unqualified. whats the pettiest thing youve done at work (or seen done)? This isnt about what the OP gains or loses. And its still a case of MYOB. We cant say. I dont know if the employees are young. But it doesnt mattershe has a right to know that something this sensitive about her is out there. But let's just assume she tries, in order to play this out for you and help you think through it. There wasnt a lot my friend could do about it besides express her displeasure to the gossipers, but I never regretted speaking up (although Id change some of the details of how I handled it). Im still laughing. I worked my butt off, proved I earned my spot on the team (was generally liked and at a minimum respected). Be calm and professional, and try to avoid getting emotional or confrontational. And it seems clear from the OPs letter that she is at least as concerned about what her Grandboss is losing. This plus some other ethical issues were the real reason I left the company. She also takes financial advantage of her friends. She followed my statement by changing the subject to mention the weather. You have to start a process with an appeal etc. Another obvious sign is if your old boss contacts your new employer and badmouths you, leading to you being fired from your new job. Is that possible? This is the strategy that has worked for me. I feel for you! The front desk. They are trying very hard to undermine this woman, and I doubt its a matter of outraged morality. Maybe no one can kill the gossip. If I was being treated this way, Id be so annoyed Id leave just because of that. Im going to guess that youre often surprised and annoyed by how infrequently life fits that tidy aphorism. After shadow minister Pat McFadden criticised Just Stop Oil, one of the group's backers, Dale Vince, justifies recent action by the group by saying "arguing" about it on TV is "evidence of success". I applied to more schools out west and didn't get in. Because of that, I wanted you know that I heard Jane and Fergus spreading rumors and gossip on multiple occasions that GrandBoss is sleeping with OtherBoss. I would shut down the gossip spoken to me at the source. I was empowered with the information. Shes very good about hiding this aspect of her personality so unless youve upset her in some way you would have no idea what her true colors are. But even if its 100% accurate, so what? The last two interviews I had, Im not sure I wouldve accepted an offer. What are the experimental difficulties in measuring the Unruh effect? Id make it clear Im not engaging in the gossip and Id tell the gossiper I dont find their statements helpful or appropriate. My boss keeps saying well discuss a raise later. Keep a record of any negative comments or feedback that you receive from your new employer or colleagues, and document any instances where your former employer has made false or misleading statements about you. Most of these rumors are created out of jealousy, mean-spiritedness, and good old fashioned sexism. I thought it was just a personality/work style thing going on. It makes an already awkward conversation worse. It sounds like both to me. I *love* my job, as does my immediate supervisor, but we frequently have a conversation of Yay, Friday! Even if OP is willing to name the gossipers, it will take them all of 2 seconds to learn who told the boss about it and, if thats the case, I hope that OP doesnt need cooperation from any of these people to do their own job. Explain your concerns and provide evidence to support your claims. If it was a very narrowly missed opportunity (e.g. Not to get a job, but because they liked each other and dated. The only thing I could think that I did, was that I told the hostess that knew him well what he was doing to me and how I didnt like him. Yes, Id want to know if it were me, but how exactly is this going to shake out? PS. They still worked on performance reviews (!!) It can be challenging to detect when your former employer is sabotaging your job search. They sound like seriously unpleasant people to be around, and OP sounds like someone who is confident enough to withstand any sneaky repercussions she might face by these coworkers. This woman is a sociopath. And it can cause issues. Defamation, threats, and tortious interference all are at play here. Perhaps you could wait a little while until you're more secure in your new position before updating yours. analemma for a specified lat/long at a specific time of day? I mean, the affair caused her to not be good at her job after awhile. Hi Boss. The thing is, this isnt people are saying mean things this is really edging towards (if not already there) sexual harassment. Im betting that mean wife lady pulled out a doozy of a convincing lie to make that happen. They asked for further professional contact; you said yes. It was strictly a way to call into question whether I deserved success. If you cant measure it, it didnt happen.. If I had hired someone and a former supervisor or co-worker contacted me and said bad things about them I would make a point of sitting down with a new employee and state what took place and what was said. I just posted the same thing because I missed this comment when scrolling down. As an aside, my experience wasnt so great: the recruiter just wanted to expand her network and was unresponsive when I messaged her to inquire about two similar jobs (months/years apart, cant remember). I left that night and didnt think too much of it. Sometimes you learn a tidbit about someone else, but really, the teller is telling you about who THEY are. Someone spread rumors that I was sleeping with a colleague someone known for being sleezy and Im really glad I found about it, so I could go to my boss and say if this gets back to you, its 100% untrue.. While I definitely agree that the OP shouldnt worry about it too much, I definitely understand the pressure of working with that kind of boss. It may happen but again the issue is with the man in charge abusing his authority (or, far more rarely, the woman in charge abusing her authority). Usually what theyre based on gets inflated and distorted so much that its hard to find the grain of truth that started it, but dont assume its completely out of left field. That said, it still certainly makes sense to ask a little more directly for a definition of later, since even though the current GM might not feel bound by the previous guys later, its still been a year since the topic first came up. Far more useful, in my opinion, is So what? !/Ugh, Monday.. If shes a competent, capable boss, it doesnt matter who she slept with. Either way youre never obligated to answer something. More than problematic. Can we schedule a meeting about this in the next two weeks? If youre put off again, say, What kind of timeline is realistic for me to plan on?. If this woman is great to work for, has gone to bat for you, and has demonstrated excellent management skills then I am going to float the suggestion that maybe, just maybe, this woman has some merit and got promoted because of it. He had also applied for another position with us that he wasnt a good fit for, and he didnt make it to the interview stage there. You dont need X percent happening or Y incidents to have a pattern of behavior. If it did come up that omg you knew and didnt tell me?!? Definitely not victim blaming. If I happen to have an interview with another company and they offer me more money should I take that job, or see if my current job will match what they offered me? I like the general idea, that you cant prove a negative, but I agree with Tau that agreeing with it is going to not make it uncomfortable for those spreading the rumor, which should be part of the goal in combatting rumors and gossip. #5: Thanks for asking this question. Really, nothing good can come of telling this woman what people are saying behind her back. But also, you dont have to attack the people gossiping to their faces, just the rumor itself. Lets not forget the Weinsteinian aspect of these stories women might feel forced to sleep with their skeezy bosses in order to keep their jobs, or to keep a foothold in their career/field. By no means would I engage with the gossip other than to shut it down in my presence (as others have mentioned, also saying how great the boss is etc. I also find it annoying, disrespectful, and gross to gossip about someone sleeping their way to the top. Maybe she did have a relationship with somebody else at the company, maybe she didnt that part is almost irrelevant. That depends highly on the organization. Grand boss either knows, in which case she doesnt need peon worker rubbing salt in the wound, or she doesnt, in which case she doesnt need peon worker showing up playing tattletale about her coworkers. Know Your Meme explains it better than I do: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/sea-lioning. It is very gross. In some cases, yes, a subordinate chooses to sleep with her supervisor because she wants to. I once had to tell my boss something incredibly uncomfortable that Id heard and she was grateful to me for telling her. Or maybe they worked closely on a big project together. Just whores, sleazy sluts, tramps, and every other pejorative slung at women by men who are appalled at the notion that women might just be having sex for fun. And Id like to submit that alerting HR might be an appropriate response. I hope someone talks to HR about this., Oh geez, is this a company that doesnt ever promote women on merit? So the blame lies with the person or persons with power over jobs and promotions. Personally I would take it up the chain, not down. I say at least tell her where the snakes in the grass are. Id want to know. Early in my career a group of co-workers started a rumor like this about me, that I was sleeping with our network administrator. - The Workplace Stack Exchange Former boss contacting current employer? I worked nights and weekends and tried to do the work myself rather than hiring contractors to save the company money. (and Im going out on a limb and guessing that the everyone up top were generally male as well). Just be prepared for them not to accept, its likely not personally related to you but their gut feeling or personal or perhaps even company policy on how to handle LinkedIn requests. Re #1Not gonna lie, I feel scared there are similar rumors about me too, especially after someone point blank asked if we were dating. This is my least favorite option and feels the most like tattling or gossip. I worked at a small TC company for 10 months starting when I was 18. Consider why you lost your job. But the affair there is only a proximal causedoing your professional duties well isnt innately connected to whether or not youre getting a little on the side. Its possible that relationship did exist, and if so many people are naming names its possible it wasnt even a secret. She lies and pretends shes not doing any of this and you have to know her and her family well to be aware of it. They are malicious and hurtful and even (many many) years later it still bothers me. In this instance, she took full advantage of her favor and pull. Also, Im just trying to point out that If you hear a bad thing about your employee, fire first and ask questions later is not good advice. We all live in Office Space; some of just dont know it. Updated to add since this is coming up in the comments:The litmus test isnt do I know for sure thattheres anything she cando about it? The litmus test is is this information that might be relevant to her career that she deserves to know about? Who knows, maybe this will beconfirmation of something she already suspected and itll allow her to address it in a way she couldnt when her information wasnt as solid. Theres a real danger of making something feel totally crappy for no good reason. So thats what Id focus on responding to. Though given the usual double standard, if he was there Im sure he would be receiving the attaboy, what a player from some quarters. I recently moved to a new office more than an hour away from my original office, and my boss and grandboss are new to me. Thank you all for your support!!!! I remember my friends last day and she told me what the boss said to her and I was sure that former boss was bluffing and even if she did call the person on the other end would think she was a psychopath. Here are some tips to help you protect yourself: One of the easiest ways for a former employer to sabotage your job search is by sharing your personal information with potential employers. The subordinate could also then be fired for not doing so. Ultimately it started affecting our department and my relationship with boss. Thanks! However, any company that would make decisions about you based on rumors and supposition instead of evidence isnt worth working for in the first place. It was common knowledge when it was happening, (think PDA in the hallways) and then she announced her pregnancy and he left his wife. I tended to dwell on things like this and used to be convinced that the person I said these things to thinks Im a horrible person, theyre planning ways to terminate me, theyre telling everyone what I said, etc. If they were not abusing authority, it wouldnt happen. Maybe even toss in an exaggerated wink. It may negatively affect the relationship on some level, conscious or not. Shes not making much of an effort to conceal whats going on here. Did UK hospital tell the police that a patient was not raped because the alleged attacker was transgender? Obviously my situation is way more This was happening and less this may be happening or it may be false, but the thing is, when I was new I didnt know that. Holy sh*t. Good thing I dont manage a business. Maybe there are inventory variances in his area that arent his fault. If other managers are paying attention, they should nip this bullshit in the bud. And, it makes you very, very vulnerable to malicious actors. As above: there are certainly ways in which someone having an affair *can also* be a shitty co-worker/employee/boss. CNN . ! Id probably say something along the lines of I thought it was BS or I wasnt really paying attention, now on to Work Subject X.
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